At the Movies with Donald Trump
Turns out there are a lot of movies about Donald Trump, even though the writers and directors didn't know that is what they were making at the time.
The Dead Zone
The Dead Zone is practically the Trump campaign playbook. Here's what Roger Stuart (Anthony Zerbe) has to say about Donald Trump, I mean Greg Stillson (Martin Sheen) in the movie:
Greg Stillson, remember, you met him in the hall this morning? Can you believe this guy? He's just getting warmed up. Gonna vote for him John? Not registered? Well get registered pal, and vote against this turkey. He's dangerous. A real man of the people. Jesus, what an act! Can't they see through this guy? Guys like Stillson, you gotta walk a thin line. Can't get too close, 'cause if they lose they'll drag you down with them, on the other hand if he wins, and this turkey just might, you gotta make sure you're thought of as a good friend. Know what I mean?
This quote even explains why so many otherwise smart people are still supporting Trump.
The Caine Mutiny
The Caine Mutiny is almost like the real life debate. Captain Queeg (Humphrey Bogart) is facing accusations of endangering his ship and other ships, incompetence, cowardice, and pretty much anything else you can think of, yet to him the single most important point is who stole the strawberries:
Ahh, but the strawberries that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officers...
Donald Trump, asking to be made the President of the United States, the commander and chief of the armed forces, the face of America to the rest of the world, chooses to concentrate on proving a beauty queen was too fat, going so far as to get up at 3 A.M. after the debate and tweet about it. All he needed was some ball bearings and he could have done an almost verbatim scene:
Ahh, but the waistline that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that the beauty queen was too fat. I, I, I know now all those other questions about government and world affairs were from the vast media conspiracy trying to cover up the rigged debates...
History of the World: Part I
History of the World: Part I covers many scenes from history, but Mel Brooks as King Louis is practically a Trump biography.
What can I say but,
Will this election finally be enough to get us to fix primary elections so this will never happen again? I mean, it isn't like Hillary is much of an alternative. Can we write in Michelle Obama? She seems to be the only serious adult around these days.